LoriMI wrote:

I also shared this on the Facebook group I recently joined and thought I would share it here too.  I'm trying to be better about posting (though my hope is that I don't always post the same thing on each group), in part, so that those who lead these groups can see that their work for the Lord is not in vain -- others are reading and appreciating their work!  TBG - thank you for your willingness to lead this group and for sticking to it especially if there are times you wonder if anybody is really even reading it. I appreciate what you do!

S.  Job 11:3-5  Should thy lies make men hold their peace? and when thou mockest, shall no man make thee ashamed? For thou hast said, My doctrine is pure, and I am clean in thine eyes. But oh that God would speak, and open his lips against thee; 

O.  Ouch!  Definitely not the words of an encouraging friend.   Zophar, who loved Job enough to travel to see him and to silently sit with him for 7 days, now seems to be irritated with him – to the point that he pretty much calls him a liar and a mocker.  Then, as if Job hasn’t already gone through enough, Zophar even wants God to speak against Job!

A.  Oh, how I have been guilty of being a friend like Zophar.  I too have said words to my friends that hurt rather than healed.  My initial intent may have been to help and encourage someone undergoing a  trial, but sometimes, my words (which means my heart, since out of the heart the mouth speaks) have done great damage. 

K.  Heavenly Father, please forgive me for all the times that my words, whether intentional or unintentional,  hurt people.  Create in me a clean heart so that from THAT heart my mouth may speak --- create in me a heart of mercy and a heart of grace, knowing that love covers a multitude of sin that I may be the image of your Son.
 

Thanks for those words of encouragement, Lori.

And, I have been guilty of that as well. I was loosing patience with my friend who was continuing to make poor decisions and I was harsh, impatient and insensitive to her hurts. I did learn a couple of things, (1) she had too many serious issues for me to be trying to fix, she really needed to be working with a professional. I should not have been trying to give her advice and resolve the issues, I should have just been a supportive listening ear. (2) I should not try to move so quickly to "fix" things, but just listen and support.

Thanks for bringing this up and helping me to look at a personal application and remind myself of needed areas of growth.

TBG wrote:

Thanks for those words of encouragement, Lori.

And, I have been guilty of that as well. I was loosing patience with my friend who was continuing to make poor decisions and I was harsh, impatient and insensitive to her hurts. I did learn a couple of things, (1) she had too many serious issues for me to be trying to fix, she really needed to be working with a professional. I should not have been trying to give her advice and resolve the issues, I should have just been a supportive listening ear. (2) I should not try to move so quickly to "fix" things, but just listen and support.

Thanks for bringing this up and helping me to look at a personal application and remind myself of needed areas of growth.

I think you've hit upon the key - instead of trying to give advice and resolve issues, we need to focus on being that supportive ear.  It took years to get it through my thick head, but I've come to realize that what people need the most is the supportive ear -- to know that they have been heard. When we truly listen to others, we are showing them that their thoughts and feelings matter - that THEY matter. By listening, we give value to that person. And we all need value.

I think of Jesus' words in Mark 4:23-25:  

If any man have ears to hear, let him hear. And he said unto them, Take heed what ye hear: with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you: and unto you that hear shall more be given. For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath.

Since God gave me two working ears this applies to me.  How I am heard is a direct result of how I hear!  For several years, I felt as if I wasn't being heard by anyone.  Now I realize it was because I wasn't bothering to hear other people.  Frankly, I was too busy with myself and my own thoughts and feelings, not to mention my own "wise" advice .

Though I am still not the greatest listener, God is growing me in this area.  My heart is that I will learn to truly hear others because so many are hurting and just need a friend who will listen.

Lord, please give me ears to hear and a heart of grace and truth.

LoriMI wrote:

S:  Job 12:4  I am as one mocked of his neighbour, who calleth upon God, and he answereth him: the just upright man is laughed to scorn.

O: Job, knowing that his faith is in God and that he is not guilty of sinning as his friends have accused him, now sees his very own friends scornful and mocking toward him.

A:  The more I ponder Job, the more I see Christ:

• He was a perfect and upright man (Job 1:8).  So was Christ (Heb 4:15). 
• He suffered and was afflicted, but not through any fault of his own (Job  1:8, 12)  So was Christ (Heb 9:28).
• His friends mocked and scorned him (Job 12:4).  Jesus had friends - and many others too - just like Job's (Mark 3:21).
• Job, though surrounded with friends, suffered alone.  So did Christ (Luke 22:39-46).

K:  Father, thank you for Job – a simple man but a picture of Your Son - and for Your work in his life.  Though he was not aware, and didn’t always do everything just right, he was reflecting Christ’s image to his friends, to his wife, to all who knew him.  I want to be like Job, Father.  I want to reflect the image of Your Son with all whom I come in contact...  In the joys of life.  In the sorrows of life.  In the good times.  In the bad times. And in all the times in between.  Grow me into His image - in your image - full of grace and truth.
 

That is powerful. Thanks for that insight. And if Christ suffers, how much more can we expect to suffer. So why does it make us bitter when we suffer unjustly?

Great insight.
 

TBG wrote:

That is powerful. Thanks for that insight. And if Christ suffers, how much more can we expect to suffer. So why does it make us bitter when we suffer unjustly?

Great insight.
 

Hope you don't mind if I share a story

Last summer my brother lost his job.  Since he managed apartments this meant he also lost his home, so he came to live with us.  It only took about a week to see that he was not in good health. Within four months, he underwent a triple heart bypass.  At first his recovery was quite good, but soon things began to take a downward turn.  He began to have seizures.  Then, due to dementia like symptoms, the doctors said it was no longer safe to leave him home alone, and we began to be his full time caregivers.
 
About a month or so later, something in his mind snapped and he became VERY angry with us. He began to have out of control ranting and raging fits where there was absolutely no reasoning with him. After a couple of suicide attempts, he was put in the hospital.  Upon discharge, in part because we felt it was no longer safe to have him in our home and, in part, because he no longer wanted to be in our home, he was placed in a homeless shelter.   And that’s when things got really bad.

He began to call family members, his friends, and my friend and rage at them about me.  No one wanted to take his calls. His anger was scary. His accusations about me were many.  And false.   This went on continually for about two months. The constant tension. The hurt. The anger. I was just sick inside.

I tried to remember that this was not really him, but the dementia talking, but it was hard.  I didn’t always take things well.  I began to be bitter in my heart toward him and hate him for what he was doing.  I said things I shouldn’t have said, to him... and to others.

One day, I received a phone call from Adult Protective Services.  I was devastated with the new accusations he had made -- and to the State!!  That night I went to bed just sobbing.  In my hurt and anger I cried out to God.  Why?  Why, is he doing this?  Then, though not in an audible voice, I heard God say, “You have been praying to be in the image of my Son. He was falsely accused too.”  Oh, how my heart leapt with joy!  My sobs of anguish turned to sobs of gratitude.  I was being made in the image of my Lord!!!

...And my Lord was silent against His accusers.  He didn't get bitter.  He didn't defend Himself to His accusers.  Or to others. He focused on His Father and went about the work He had been sent to do.  Many times, His life was filled with tension.  He hurt.  He suffered.  Yet He continued to love.  Even His enemies.

And so will I... when I keep my focus on Him and not on the circumstances.

My heart toward my brother has changed.  I am no longer angry with him; instead, I hurt for him that he is filled with such anger.  That is no way for anyone to live.

Through this, and through the study of Job, I am seeing more and more that whatever trials we are in, whether just or unjust, we always need to reflect the image of our Lord.  Even when we hurt.  Perhaps, the very reason we are in the trial is to become more like Him.  Focusing on Him is how we will keep the bitterness away.  That is how we overcome.  That is what will draw people... to Him.

 

LoriMI wrote:

TBG wrote:

That is powerful. Thanks for that insight. And if Christ suffers, how much more can we expect to suffer. So why does it make us bitter when we suffer unjustly?

Great insight.
 

Hope you don't mind if I share a story

Last summer my brother lost his job.  Since he managed apartments this meant he also lost his home, so he came to live with us.  It only took about a week to see that he was not in good health. Within four months, he underwent a triple heart bypass.  At first his recovery was quite good, but soon things began to take a downward turn.  He began to have seizures.  Then, due to dementia like symptoms, the doctors said it was no longer safe to leave him home alone, and we began to be his full time caregivers.
 
About a month or so later, something in his mind snapped and he became VERY angry with us. He began to have out of control ranting and raging fits where there was absolutely no reasoning with him. After a couple of suicide attempts, he was put in the hospital.  Upon discharge, in part because we felt it was no longer safe to have him in our home and, in part, because he no longer wanted to be in our home, he was placed in a homeless shelter.   And that’s when things got really bad.

He began to call family members, his friends, and my friend and rage at them about me.  No one wanted to take his calls. His anger was scary. His accusations about me were many.  And false.   This went on continually for about two months. The constant tension. The hurt. The anger. I was just sick inside.

I tried to remember that this was not really him, but the dementia talking, but it was hard.  I didn’t always take things well.  I began to be bitter in my heart toward him and hate him for what he was doing.  I said things I shouldn’t have said, to him... and to others.

One day, I received a phone call from Adult Protective Services.  I was devastated with the new accusations he had made -- and to the State!!  That night I went to bed just sobbing.  In my hurt and anger I cried out to God.  Why?  Why, is he doing this?  Then, though not in an audible voice, I heard God say, “You have been praying to be in the image of my Son. He was falsely accused too.”  Oh, how my heart leapt with joy!  My sobs of anguish turned to sobs of gratitude.  I was being made in the image of my Lord!!!

...And my Lord was silent against His accusers.  He didn't get bitter.  He didn't defend Himself to His accusers.  Or to others. He focused on His Father and went about the work He had been sent to do.  Many times, His life was filled with tension.  He hurt.  He suffered.  Yet He continued to love.  Even His enemies.

And so will I... when I keep my focus on Him and not on the circumstances.

My heart toward my brother has changed.  I am no longer angry with him; instead, I hurt for him that he is filled with such anger.  That is no way for anyone to live.

Through this, and through the study of Job, I am seeing more and more that whatever trials we are in, whether just or unjust, we always need to reflect the image of our Lord.  Even when we hurt.  Perhaps, the very reason we are in the trial is to become more like Him.  Focusing on Him is how we will keep the bitterness away.  That is how we overcome.  That is what will draw people... to Him.

 

That is such a beautiful story that I got teary eyed reading it. May I be ready to submit myself to Christ as you have when I encounter that type of hurt. And I love that you have been able to care more for your brothers brokenness than your hurt. That is so touching and I will pray for you.